Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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