im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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