I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
