Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
