hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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