This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
