If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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