I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
