Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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