wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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