You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
