I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it because I queefed?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
