I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
