White coat. Heels.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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