Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
