you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize