Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
