I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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