things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
