I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
