i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
