Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
