Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
