You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize