@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
