My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
