ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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