Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
