in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
