i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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