it hurts more in the daytime
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
