If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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