Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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