Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
