We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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