During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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