i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize