when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
