When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
