ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize