...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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