you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
