he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well you can't waste a boner
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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