There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When are your genitals available?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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