Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
