It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
