oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
