Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
