If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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