everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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