I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We are all done wearing pants today
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
