i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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