We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
