Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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