kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
