my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
