forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
