Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
