You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
