I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
