can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
