I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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