yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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