She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
