the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize