just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
