Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this just has baby written all over it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize