My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize