how hairy? two words: wookie tits
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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