hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
