matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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