I think scott just propositioned me for sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
