i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize